I was born in a rural area of China. Currently, I work at a university in Beijing. I thought that my elderly parents have never visited Beijing, so I invited them to come over during the summer break. The trip lasted six days and five nights. On the first afternoon, we arrived in Beijing and had dinner together. On the second day, we visited the Forbidden City and Jingshan Park. On the third day, we visited Tiananmen Square and handled some personal matters, and then stayed at the Great Wall at night. On the fourth day, we visited the Great Wall and a wildlife park. On the fifth day, we stayed near Houhai and visited the Summer Palace, the Old Summer Palace, and took photos at Tsinghua University and Peking University (accompanied by children). In the evening, we strolled around South Luogu Lane. On the last day, we returned home. The entire trip cost me one month’s salary. My wife is a doctor and had an exam the next day (there are many exams in the hospital system). She tends to get nervous before the exam, so she initially said that she would go to the Summer Palace with us. However, she had a night shift in between, so we didn’t see much of her during the trip. Nevertheless, she did a lot of preparation work behind the scenes and suggested many places to visit. She also prepared various items such as mosquito patches and sunscreen. I thought that the plan was fine, but the next day, my sister called and criticized us for two reasons: Why did I book such a bad hotel when I was doing well in Beijing, and my parents seldom had the chance to visit Beijing? Why didn’t my wife show up or at least say hello? She didn’t respect my parents.I would like to ask the opinions and suggestions of you. Both my wife and I are not good at handling interpersonal relationships. Are there any problems with our plan?

The man's sister may have felt like she was losing her importance in the family when the man's parents praised him for taking care of them.

Unfortunately, objectively speaking, there is no such thing as a “problem-free reception arrangement.” Anyone who is dissatisfied with anyone’s reception arrangement can always find enough objective reasons for it.

The problem lies in how the dissatisfaction is expressed, whether it is shy, polite, and low-key, or sharp, cold, and violent.

If it is the former, the problem will always remain on how to improve the specific details of the reception plan. If it is the latter, then the problem has gone beyond the level of improving the reception plan and objectively entered the level of “power struggle.”

Why do I say “objectively entered?” Because the parties involved may not necessarily have a clear understanding of the nature of their behavior, but they instinctively feel the shaking of their power and status and take defensive measures subconsciously.

This impulse can greatly affect a person’s viewpoint and position, and can even lead to surprising and unexpected reactions.

When you do something, you need to consider the impact on all stakeholders, especially the impact on power and status.

Whether to adjust your plan to avoid or weaken these impacts may require specific analysis, but at the very least, you need to be psychologically prepared for the potential intense reactions that these impacts may bring, to avoid feeling surprised and frustrated later.

For example, you did your best to entertain your parents. As long as your sister hears your parents’ praise for you, she will objectively feel strong anxiety about her position in the family. In this state, she will subconsciously produce a strong impulse to belittle your efforts. Especially if your sister has been taking care of your parents’ daily life for a long time, and you only occasionally invite them to travel, she will have a strong expectation of her absolute priority in your parents’ hearts.

If you only took your parents on a trip once and received the praise that she had been working hard for years to get but never got, and you never received the criticism she had been receiving for years, the anxiety, frustration, and sense of unfairness that this strong contrast caused would be intense.

If you put yourself in her position, you will naturally understand. Standing in her position, objectively belittling the value of your efforts, and even calling you to reprimand you for your behavior in front of your parents, is obviously not the best choice. But it is probably her most instinctive impulse under strong pain. It is true that it may be insufficient ability or immaturity, but humans are not born awakened and mature animals. Who can be perfectly mature and wise forever?

The current problem is obviously not to investigate who is not rational enough, but to do the best under the current situation. And this effort should not be “calling your sister to explain and prove how reasonable my arrangements are, and how unreasonable your criticism is,” but calling your sister to say, "I took care of our parents for a few days and realized how difficult it is. Although I worked hard, I could only provide such a simple service, which shows how difficult it is for you for so many years.

They have a daughter like you who has been taking care of them so well for years, and I truly admire your dedication and hard work. I hope we can work together to give our parents the best care and love they deserve.

By expressing empathy and appreciation for your sister’s efforts, you may be able to alleviate some of the anxiety and frustration she is feeling. This approach is not about conceding or admitting fault, but about recognizing the complexity of the situation and the emotions involved.

It is important to remember that relationships are not just about objective facts and figures, but also about subjective feelings and perceptions. By acknowledging your sister’s feelings and showing respect for her role in caring for your parents, you may be able to build a stronger relationship with her in the long term.

In addition, it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your sister about how to best support your parents together.

By working collaboratively and focusing on the needs of your parents, you may be able to find a way to share responsibilities and resources more effectively. This approach requires a willingness to listen to each other’s perspectives and to compromise where necessary. It may also require seeking outside support, such as hiring a caregiver or consulting with a professional, to ensure that your parents receive the best care possible.

The man's sister may have felt like she was losing her importance in the family when the man's parents praised him for taking care of them.

In conclusion, navigating family dynamics can be challenging, especially when it comes to caring for aging parents. It is important to approach these situations with empathy, respect, and a willingness to collaborate. By focusing on the needs of your parents and working together, you can help ensure that they receive the best care possible while also strengthening your relationships with your siblings.