Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We are both in school and plan to get married after graduation. But recently, he told me that he has a genetic disease (polycystic kidney disease). His mother and several of his aunts have it. My parents know about this disease, and my father is strongly opposed to our marriage. My mother is not as opposed, but I am still not sure if I should continue the relationship.

A young couple sitting on a park bench, looking out at the sunset. The boy is holding the girl's hand, and they are both smiling. But there is a look of worry on the girl's face.

A: Finding Love Again After a Breakup: A Personal Story

In general, I would recommend that you consider breaking up before deciding whether or not to continue the relationship. This advice applies to any situation that could lead to a breakup, including but not limited to:

  • Discovering a major lie
  • Having major disagreements about life plans
  • Getting into a major conflict
  • Having major differences in values
  • Experiencing an accident that could lead to a great sense of indebtedness

It is important to note that this is not a simple suggestion to break up. Rather, it is a recommendation to use a “reset” method to eliminate the underlying risks in these major decisions.

Life is a long journey, and marriage is a major event. If you force yourself to stay in a relationship, you are more likely to feel increasingly indebted and resentful, which can lead to a desire for revenge. In a relationship based on love, the first foundation is mutual consent. As long as you are still in the relationship, you are consenting. No one is forcing you to stay. If someone is, that is a crime that should be punished by law. Therefore, it is unethical to complain or seek revenge if you are not willing to end the relationship.

What are the overall consequences of this? If you break up immediately and then do not get back together, you will still have some goodwill left. If you take a break from the relationship to think things through and then resume it with a revised consensus, you can protect the relationship to the greatest extent possible.

A young woman sitting in a therapist's office. She is looking down at her hands, and her expression is sad.

On the other hand, if you stay in the relationship just for the sake of a temporary “habit” and believe that you deserve better treatment because you have been “making compromises,” you are more likely to end up with a complete break-up with no goodwill left.

If you encounter a hurdle that you cannot overcome, it is much better to break up first and then consider whether or not to continue the relationship from a clean slate. This is much more gentle and peaceful than a breakup in the future that is full of resentment.

It is important to note that this is not a “temporary break to let me cool off” or a “give me some space so I can be alone.” It is actually a real break-up, even though it does not rule out the possibility of a reunion.

During this time, both parties have the right to date other people and make any choices that a single person can do. They do not owe each other anything. This is not a “transition period.” It is a real break-up.

Only a decision to reunite made on the basis of this real separation has real independence and forgiveness.

If you both accept the new reality after this separation, and you can appreciate each other’s value even better after being apart, then the reunion will be the least twisted and have the fewest after-effects.

A middle-aged couple sitting in their living room, holding hands. They are both smiling, and there is a look of love in their eyes.

If you decide not to continue the relationship, then the previous breakup will become a definite result, and you will not have to endure the painful pain of a forced breakup.

In this kind of situation, the so-called correct decision is not the decision that will lead to happiness in the future, but the decision that is most likely to prevent regret. This method is the most likely to prevent regret.

Of course, even with so many advantages, there are probably few people who have the courage to do it. People always take risks and shrink back in the hope of a lucky break.

In any case, there is this path, and I have to tell you about it. Whether you can walk it or not depends on your talent.

In summary, the answer to your question is that you should consider breaking up with your boyfriend before making a decision about whether or not to continue the relationship. This is because the genetic disease he has could have a significant impact on your lives together, and it is important to be sure that you are both willing to face the challenges that this could present.

Of course, the decision of whether or not to break up is ultimately up to you. There is no right or wrong answer, and you should do what you think is best for you and your future.