If we should “Ignore the attention of others’ thoughts”, then, why should we seek others’ approval and praise?

SoySauceNoodles

Many people misunderstand the value of praise, believing that another person’s praise is a validation of their honor, and consequently, a proof of their life’s worth.
This is utterly incorrect.
Zhou Gong feared slander yet does that diminish his worth? When Wang Mang honored the learned and the humble, did their status really elevate?

Pursuing human praise and criticism as the basis of our own value only turns us into a public pet. It’s suffocating enough to be a pet, let alone one seeking approval from all humanity.
Think about it, is this a logically viable strategy?
If Zhang San heads east and Li Si heads west, try pleasing them both and see if you won’t tear yourself apart.
Thus, the notions that a lot of praise means I must be right or a lot of criticism means I must be wrong are nonsensical.

Why then should we care about others’ praise?
Because we need a signal outside of self-affirmation to differentiate whether the help we’re providing is genuinely helpful.
When do you know it’s time to change your approach?
When the gratitude ceases and there’s no one urging you to continue – that’s when you know it’s time to change tactics.
Why do you need continuous praise? Because praise is often used as a token of gratitude, and you need this signal to confirm you’re not inadvertently causing harm or convincing yourself of your own effectiveness.
The praise you receive from others only possesses one practical effect – the other person is signaling a green light, taking on the “responsibility of being loved” – which means they are assuming a supportive role in whatever happens next. This in no way proves that what you’re doing is correct or your morality particularly noble.

Conversely, criticism from others simply implies they no longer can accept your interactions as they were. It does not prove that you are worthless, incompetent, or unquestionably in the wrong, nor does it prove a lapse in morality.
To put it in layman’s terms, imagine you’re pouring soy sauce for someone. If they exclaim, “You’re magnificent,” “You’re so kind,” or “You’re brilliant,” take that as nothing more than encouragement to “Pour, pour, keep on pouring.” If they shout, “What are you doing?” “Are you crazy?” or “Which side are you even on?” interpret that as a direct “Stop! Stop now!!!”

Consider these comments as a particular dialect, with real-time translation tailor-made for you. This shift in perspective will markedly change your life experience.
Praise or criticism is nothing more than a signal of whether our relationship can continue as is.
If it can’t continue in the same manner, then consider how it might continue differently rather than hastily overturning your self-perception.
Especially avoid the allure of “soul-touching self-realization”; it wastes not only soy sauce but also noodles.