How to Be a Parent, Not a Friend

Your children’s friends may be more numerous and eligible than you are, but they lack parents, not friends. If you try to be their friend, who will be their parent?

Who will tell them “no”?

Who will send them to bed?

Who will attend parent-teacher conferences to hear about the importance of parental cooperation?

Who will pay for the neighbor’s broken window or their classmate’s broken glasses?

Life is like chess: the rooks, knights, bishops, and pawns must all be present.

A mother is driving her daughter to school. They are listening to the radio together. The daughter is talking about her friend who is having a difficult time at home. The mother listens patiently and offers her support.

Friends are a secondary relationship with a relatively subordinate status, far less important and critical than immediate family, spouse, colleagues, and comrades.

If your children have a complete set of primary relationships, they will not lack friends. Otherwise, there is no substitute for a friend.

As a parent, you should say: “I am not your friend; I am your father/mother. I may be more hated by you than your friends, but I am 10,000 times more important. As long as you are not awake, whoever is this important to you will always invite the same degree of hatred. The only solution is to live and grow up, not ‘friendify.’ Deal with it, grow up.”

A mother is driving her daughter to school. They are listening to the radio together. The daughter is talking about her friend who is having a difficult time at home. The mother listens patiently and offers her support.